to be weary

stay put in this seat
candle flickering
refuse to escape a rush of emotion
once my desert place
fresh water uncovers the buried
keep digging, nail breaking
torture, sometimes, to feel so much
new waters swell, thousand-foot waves
is this how mountains are baptized when they fade?

to be a traveler
alone with my bag
told to carry another's
still required to shoulder mine
even the man of sorrows
weeping over his people's despair
was tasked with failure
so to failure I'll prepare

I know storm, I once knew calm
calm was just my youth 
happiness a fleeting outcome
instead, to welcome clouded reality
I will mourn with those who cry
smile halfhearted with the laughing
either way I have to be okay
with joining to survive

will you be tender with me?
I could use a friend
or will you farce as giants
vanishing before threatening insects
could you stay awake while I plead
wishing a destiny not mine
we can bask in what makes us weak
celebrate our empathy
candles lit and waiting
watching
wearily