to be alone

should I ever be permitted something other than heartbreak
I welcome that day
currently
my courage does not compensate
for doubt that is persistently persuasive
I have found a phantom vocation in absence
my purpose, alone, to be
clarity begets sorrow
should I let it reveal
now rising, an argument
why should I be separate?
restricted
disavowed
many have tried to permit otherwise
confronting tall pessimistic walls
libraries full of evidence
I carry these volumes with me
however
am I blinded by my deliberation?
I know I do not see completely
yet
should hope not advocate further?
should it navigate with integrity?
should it not be all powerful?
its speech dominant like storm
rather
it communicates with fragments
pieces of a page that once mapped destiny
how had it been ripped?
and by whom?
I do not ask for clarity now
in fact, I turn it aside
instead
I ask for presence
I do not ask for justice
I ask for witness
whether I am condemned or exonerated
it does not matter
to simply have one who sees
who stays
who would visit when I am chained
contained
and eventually
who would celebrate my release
where are you
my comfort
where are you